Yeah yeah yeah...

So in this constant reality I live called living and grinding, I come to realize that where I am now people are either using me or just stepping on my toes to benefit themselves. Well some people sit there and think about this and are like who cares right? I care, I come from a family of pride no matter if they lost their pride or not. I am just fed up with the shit, here and then, so much so I wish I the creator would take me home now.

I am the guy that stands there waiting for help because I don't get any... It's true, this man I live with wants me to call him DAD but you know who the fuck calls someone dad when he never really acted like a dad... Yeah a good provider for the youth of my years, but I needed a parent not someone who wanted to by my respect. So in which I have none for him, I stay with him because if I don't he has heart problems so he would just want to end it in my opinion. How do I know? His more morbid then I am in life...

Thus in today's term I wish my mother and father were still alive, because i would do anything to go home and stay with them. I am willing work but I hit a road block in my life which now without any help I will just end up being homeless because they treat me like a Mexican in this fucking forsaken state called Georgia. Trails and Tribulations they say... I say fuck that, stop treating us this way, you are even more worthless then your ancestors. People say they don't treat us like they use to... YEAH ok we are just ignored for 300 years about our health and our what they really gave us.

I slowly am seeing in this time I feel sometimes I would just find a cliff and jump off, I seriously feel that would be better for me then living in this fucked up life I am in. 24 years old and I buried my parents before I had children of my own. Nothing is treated fairly towards me in this life. I am the red boy that people think they can poke fun of, I might start walking tonight to home... If someone stops and kills me I invite it, because anything is better then this place.

I love my close friends, very much so I took them as my family. Since my own family couldn't be there for me at all and when they are there they stick their noses in my life like they know me. When its their fault I act the way I do because they just let me go somewhere that wasn't the best judgement of anyones life. I just miss my mom and father, my fathers advice and my mothers love. No one can really know how it feels because you aren't walking the 10,000 miles in my shoes.

I feel no there is no hope, I haven't been shown any signs of that I should. I do everything every day pray, beat my drum, burn sage, the whole nine yards. And I just sit here praying for what? The constant threat of someone taking advantage of my kindness and just rube the shit in my face. Why is this world so wicked? Why are people so fucked up?

I wish I lived in a world people didn't judge, to no man can judge but the creator. Live you life in the right but for some reason the human race falls short of real, which falls right into fake. Yeah I said it, 99% of you people are fake as fuck. Who am I to say that? I AM ANISHANBIE and I AM MY FATHERS SON. I don't like stealing, I don't like hurting, I don't like killing, I don't like feeling sad. BUT their are people out there that love the shit out of. Even those people that try to use their down spot to get people to feel bad for them.

Guess what? I humble people in my life, even tho my life sucks so bad I wish I had a gun I still put on a fake ass smile and try to give them hope. Why? Because I care to much to let someone feel like that. There has to be one person in this life to do that, they said one man can change a community, a community can change a state, and a state can change a nation, and a nation can change the world. Yeah lies, I help out they get happy and I am thrown away like a joke.

I am personally tired of the stupid fucking crap, I am tired of peoples white lies, I am tired of people in general. I hate that I am treated with such low regards, even in the house I live in, in which you are supposed to feel the safest... I don't I sleep so light anything moves I wake up, I have a bat ready at the side of my bed that no one can see waiting for the day someone tries to come storming in my room. THATS NOT A HOME! THATS A LOST CAUSE!

I play these games where you build your own kingdom and you just help the people out in them. And I wish there was a place like my own lol. Yeah I laughed at that because I treat everyone even in games nicely. Peace not war is my view, but fuck it, WAR not peace with this fucking country and their crap they forced on my people. People say if it never happened I wouldn't have been born, guess what I would gladly accept that. Yeah truly from the bottom of my heart where there is some warmness left I would love to take that to keep a people a nation of people alive.

This is all I got to say right now because I am just ranting and rating... I doubt anyone will read this anyways, so I just write this because this is whats on my mind every day. I sit here trying to pick myself up and when I think I do I just get kicked in the ball and left to get up again. No hope there... No hope whats so ever in this reality till the day I die and go on to the hunting grounds to see my parents again. Then I will feel at home, then I will be happy, because there no one can hurt me.

A New Start

Jesus I read all of these old comments and really it seems I forgot to run back and re-read them and do spell check or word change to fit the correct area. Yet, I have come to a conclusion of restarting my own blogspot. I will write on topic's people are afraid to touch and write on thing's that others will try to cut you down for. I am not a big writer but I need to start getting back into it because one day I will try to do more then write. One day I hope to make a change, in which the change of my reservation.

So I will attempt to do something's that no man has down as of yet. Yet I can't say what those are because I would be kinda lying then since I really haven't thought of them. So I guess I will learn a few things and take the knowledge and let it grow and become something.

So I guess you will see me more active then before. Its been 2 years since I been on here besides my other blogspot in which is about a game I play so don't pay to much attention of that unless you want to look lol. But that's it for now because I am about to go do some appointments. So check back soon I will have thing's and topics up that I hope people debate about.

Learning myself

It's been time since I have posted in this blog due to me running into problems and at the same time I am learning how to speak my peoples language correctly. It's most differently hard to learn but I will get it down and in a year's time I will be speaking fluent Ojibwe. That's a goal I have for myself before I go back home.

On that note I will continue keeping up with my blog now since I ran into a brick wall and I noticed I have retracted from the life I once knew to a life that does not fit my life. I am not racist but I believe I picked up the white mans way of dealing with thing's and with me saying that I need to re look at my life and continue to work at my own personal person. My elder's even told me I was not acting like aniishanibe, I was acting like a bull with no brain's and it's 100% correct and it hurt me to admit it. Losing yourself is a bad thing but it can be fixed and I will fix the problem.

That's it for now till I post again which I got something in mind of whats to come. It will make things more better for to plan this out this time round since I still got problems on my mind so give me sometime!

A man that is confused

Time and time again the world seems to move at it's own pace with life outside our realm. It will slow down then it will do a complete 360 and go really fast. For the past month I been doing alright and could denie a lie in that. Things have been going pretty much fast and enjoying the coming spring. Yet now I feel completely trapped in a false hope of something my heart wants yet, its not completely in tone with itself and I feel completely confused.

I don't want to say much but my mind has been on one topic the past few weeks and really I felt a happiness when it was talked about. But as she talks about it with herself worried about the same things as I am. Could this really work or could this be a false hope in something. I just don't know, all I know is that following the path that a heart brings you is the best way to go. So I guess I will just do that. And I guess she does the same.

That was just something I needed to get off of my chest and now that I feel better but still kinda blah. I wanted to say that in the next few days I will be writing another blog on faith and hopes something needed to be touched for those that read this.