Just another view

So lately I have been having these dream's that don't make much sense to me. In the dream's just my health conditions are bad, in which in several of the dream's I was told I had cancer. Yeah crazy huh? I been waking up hearing voices, not just any voice, my parents voice. The last three days I swear I hear my mothers voice saying son wake up... And I wake up chocked up because I am sitting there thinking there is no way I could have heard that... Its clear as day to me, so clear to me that its just crazy. I thought I heard my fathers voice as well not to sure what he is saying but it wakes me up, as tho he was wanting me to do something.

Every day I believe my friends always wonder what goes through my crazy mind. And really, I recap on the life I had, how I treated others with respect. Attempted to help them in all ways I could, I would give them all of my money if they needed it. But things are just turned around to be where I am shit on, spit on, cut on, treated like a outcast. Even those I helped do it, my kindness has brought me smiles then later pain.

I honestly can't say how I feel anymore, I think slowly I am losing myself... I feel I lost my real purpose because PEOPLE want me to live their way of life. And with me trying to follow my father, to where I have elders that respect me which are few. But others look at me like im a outcast that doesn't belong... I could say the same about them as well but I guess its not my place to judge.

I guess I just got to get back into my reality... I need to sit down with an elder and talk about this... Sunday, maybe I hope I will go see one.

Yeah yeah yeah...

So in this constant reality I live called living and grinding, I come to realize that where I am now people are either using me or just stepping on my toes to benefit themselves. Well some people sit there and think about this and are like who cares right? I care, I come from a family of pride no matter if they lost their pride or not. I am just fed up with the shit, here and then, so much so I wish I the creator would take me home now.

I am the guy that stands there waiting for help because I don't get any... It's true, this man I live with wants me to call him DAD but you know who the fuck calls someone dad when he never really acted like a dad... Yeah a good provider for the youth of my years, but I needed a parent not someone who wanted to by my respect. So in which I have none for him, I stay with him because if I don't he has heart problems so he would just want to end it in my opinion. How do I know? His more morbid then I am in life...

Thus in today's term I wish my mother and father were still alive, because i would do anything to go home and stay with them. I am willing work but I hit a road block in my life which now without any help I will just end up being homeless because they treat me like a Mexican in this fucking forsaken state called Georgia. Trails and Tribulations they say... I say fuck that, stop treating us this way, you are even more worthless then your ancestors. People say they don't treat us like they use to... YEAH ok we are just ignored for 300 years about our health and our what they really gave us.

I slowly am seeing in this time I feel sometimes I would just find a cliff and jump off, I seriously feel that would be better for me then living in this fucked up life I am in. 24 years old and I buried my parents before I had children of my own. Nothing is treated fairly towards me in this life. I am the red boy that people think they can poke fun of, I might start walking tonight to home... If someone stops and kills me I invite it, because anything is better then this place.

I love my close friends, very much so I took them as my family. Since my own family couldn't be there for me at all and when they are there they stick their noses in my life like they know me. When its their fault I act the way I do because they just let me go somewhere that wasn't the best judgement of anyones life. I just miss my mom and father, my fathers advice and my mothers love. No one can really know how it feels because you aren't walking the 10,000 miles in my shoes.

I feel no there is no hope, I haven't been shown any signs of that I should. I do everything every day pray, beat my drum, burn sage, the whole nine yards. And I just sit here praying for what? The constant threat of someone taking advantage of my kindness and just rube the shit in my face. Why is this world so wicked? Why are people so fucked up?

I wish I lived in a world people didn't judge, to no man can judge but the creator. Live you life in the right but for some reason the human race falls short of real, which falls right into fake. Yeah I said it, 99% of you people are fake as fuck. Who am I to say that? I AM ANISHANBIE and I AM MY FATHERS SON. I don't like stealing, I don't like hurting, I don't like killing, I don't like feeling sad. BUT their are people out there that love the shit out of. Even those people that try to use their down spot to get people to feel bad for them.

Guess what? I humble people in my life, even tho my life sucks so bad I wish I had a gun I still put on a fake ass smile and try to give them hope. Why? Because I care to much to let someone feel like that. There has to be one person in this life to do that, they said one man can change a community, a community can change a state, and a state can change a nation, and a nation can change the world. Yeah lies, I help out they get happy and I am thrown away like a joke.

I am personally tired of the stupid fucking crap, I am tired of peoples white lies, I am tired of people in general. I hate that I am treated with such low regards, even in the house I live in, in which you are supposed to feel the safest... I don't I sleep so light anything moves I wake up, I have a bat ready at the side of my bed that no one can see waiting for the day someone tries to come storming in my room. THATS NOT A HOME! THATS A LOST CAUSE!

I play these games where you build your own kingdom and you just help the people out in them. And I wish there was a place like my own lol. Yeah I laughed at that because I treat everyone even in games nicely. Peace not war is my view, but fuck it, WAR not peace with this fucking country and their crap they forced on my people. People say if it never happened I wouldn't have been born, guess what I would gladly accept that. Yeah truly from the bottom of my heart where there is some warmness left I would love to take that to keep a people a nation of people alive.

This is all I got to say right now because I am just ranting and rating... I doubt anyone will read this anyways, so I just write this because this is whats on my mind every day. I sit here trying to pick myself up and when I think I do I just get kicked in the ball and left to get up again. No hope there... No hope whats so ever in this reality till the day I die and go on to the hunting grounds to see my parents again. Then I will feel at home, then I will be happy, because there no one can hurt me.

A New Start

Jesus I read all of these old comments and really it seems I forgot to run back and re-read them and do spell check or word change to fit the correct area. Yet, I have come to a conclusion of restarting my own blogspot. I will write on topic's people are afraid to touch and write on thing's that others will try to cut you down for. I am not a big writer but I need to start getting back into it because one day I will try to do more then write. One day I hope to make a change, in which the change of my reservation.

So I will attempt to do something's that no man has down as of yet. Yet I can't say what those are because I would be kinda lying then since I really haven't thought of them. So I guess I will learn a few things and take the knowledge and let it grow and become something.

So I guess you will see me more active then before. Its been 2 years since I been on here besides my other blogspot in which is about a game I play so don't pay to much attention of that unless you want to look lol. But that's it for now because I am about to go do some appointments. So check back soon I will have thing's and topics up that I hope people debate about.

Learning myself

It's been time since I have posted in this blog due to me running into problems and at the same time I am learning how to speak my peoples language correctly. It's most differently hard to learn but I will get it down and in a year's time I will be speaking fluent Ojibwe. That's a goal I have for myself before I go back home.

On that note I will continue keeping up with my blog now since I ran into a brick wall and I noticed I have retracted from the life I once knew to a life that does not fit my life. I am not racist but I believe I picked up the white mans way of dealing with thing's and with me saying that I need to re look at my life and continue to work at my own personal person. My elder's even told me I was not acting like aniishanibe, I was acting like a bull with no brain's and it's 100% correct and it hurt me to admit it. Losing yourself is a bad thing but it can be fixed and I will fix the problem.

That's it for now till I post again which I got something in mind of whats to come. It will make things more better for to plan this out this time round since I still got problems on my mind so give me sometime!

A man that is confused

Time and time again the world seems to move at it's own pace with life outside our realm. It will slow down then it will do a complete 360 and go really fast. For the past month I been doing alright and could denie a lie in that. Things have been going pretty much fast and enjoying the coming spring. Yet now I feel completely trapped in a false hope of something my heart wants yet, its not completely in tone with itself and I feel completely confused.

I don't want to say much but my mind has been on one topic the past few weeks and really I felt a happiness when it was talked about. But as she talks about it with herself worried about the same things as I am. Could this really work or could this be a false hope in something. I just don't know, all I know is that following the path that a heart brings you is the best way to go. So I guess I will just do that. And I guess she does the same.

That was just something I needed to get off of my chest and now that I feel better but still kinda blah. I wanted to say that in the next few days I will be writing another blog on faith and hopes something needed to be touched for those that read this.

The thinking of the world

Day by day we live this so called life the way it is suppose to be. Really honestly do you think living the life we are now is the way it was meant to be. We live lies daily and some of us can't shake the shell off of them to see outside of their box. In terms they are hiding away from the real world and don't want to relies that one day their is gonna be an end. An end to the weak and living for the strong. Yet most humans want to believe that their beloved lord is going to come down and take them away before hell breaks loose.

Most things that I understand in this world are meaningless to myself. I understand my fault's but yet I do not live these lies, for I sit here today writing this blog about the matter. Just ask yourself a few simple question's that can be answered by yourself and no one else. example: What is going to happen?

Think about the matter and pounder the meaning to each matter you look at. Each man, each women, each child, and each animal, they all have a path they have to walk-in in this life. Each their own destiny, each their own blood. Understand this and you understand only enough to keep yourself moving, if your not doing that with you life your living a lie and you will be blind to the what the world is speaking. You will be blind to the truth that is standing in-front of you.

Yet Im gonna leave everyone thinking of what is coming next, this is a start from new for me. I saw something happen before my eyes that I think could never happen. I can see the truth and lies around me and trust me they could be so simple you are just baffled by how clear it is if you can see it.

A thought of today's people.

It's been sometime since I wrote here but now that I am writing something new for everyone. This really is just a thought on my behalf to make people realize of which I have come to know in the past month's time.

So basically over the past few week's I been hanging out with friends that I always hangout with yet we added a new addition to the little group and really she was a cool girl and all. Yet there was a few flaws to which she has yet I say it's flaws to which she can fix on her own yet there is no helping those who don't want to be helped.

To this I mean by, there was a few event's that took place over this past weekend and truthfully she thinks I'm in the wrong for doing yet she fucked my friend chase and she didn't even say sorry. I told chase I know what they were doing and I told him they could get the fuck out. Yet he knew I was just pissed and let it blow over and he said he was sorry. Yet now she thinks I was talking ton of shit behind her back... Which really makes me laugh because when a white person is caught in a lie or something along those lines they attempt to turn the tables on you.

I will say this... I am Ojibwa I am a son of the Mikiinok family and I will not be stepped on nor talked down to. So fuck you and your stupid ass sad attempt to control me and my feeling's. Learn to grow up and attempt to call me out on everything its a sad sad reason for you because if you call yourself ugly then you are what you think. I didn't call you that but you called yourself that. Its a sad sad reason for you to attempt to make me feel bad because I told chase something that was true. It was none of his business yet you were sleeping with him and you didn't tell him anything about what was going on. Your the reason we have so many STD's and illness that people have. White people nothing against all of them but what a trashy people.

This is moreless a ranting of stupid ass people in the world.

Just a random thought really.

I been thinking today of how things will come to a new coven in the work's. There isn't much I can really say but other then that I hope it work's. Really I don't know how Chris worked his coven so it's more less a surprise in the box, because Amber and I both ran ours comepletely different. Mine was more less open to all as for ambers but mine had chairs we controled.

Really the only people that can teach where only allowed to even think about getting one of those chairs. It wasnt nothing against the members of the coven but if they weren't ready for teaching other's then they had to learn from the ones that were ready. I guess thats it for the random thought from me, but there is a lession I also want to share with you all!

Lession Of This Day

Learn from your own life, sometime's friends are almost never apart and always hang out day in and day out. Really you don't need to confuse your own life with your friends. Even tho you are friends you need to keep your path and your own mind. I want you to do this to relize what I mean... Just relize day by day of hanging out with this person you seem to catch their personaility more and more and you guys become more alike... YAY we are more alike, no wrong... You are your own person and you need to keep that shown, because if you will notice that if you seem to be the same person then you guys tend to fight more often then not.

Whys this? Really because you are your own person and when you become the other person you begin to conflict with their own personaility and thats how fights break out. If the person you start acting like or how someone acts like you, your personaility begins to fight back because it seems that you are or they are coming into your terf which can be very bad...

The bad is that the personaility will lash out and strike the person to get them to step back and relize that your the one that can act like that. Yea it might seem as I am talking about someone else besides one of the two, you and someone else... Well really I am talking about something else... Personaility could possiable more then that but thats up for you to find out. Yet I will get into that sooner or later.

Basic knowledge

Everyone has basic knowledge of their surrounding's, yet do you really? Day by day you live a life full of car's, people's, tv's, radio's, and the internet. Well I say I bet you can't servive without any of those thing's for a day. Really, your probly like, yes I can... Don't be to hasty of how you act because you might later regret your action's.

Mostly everyone is around someone for 22 of the 24 hour time period they are awake. I have now found myself around someone 6-10 hours of the 24 hour time, in which means I have kept myself from always keep constant contact with someone. Where does this come into play? Well basic knowledge of what you do and how you act will keep you on your toe's really. You always keep someway you dont notice, you always talk someway, you hear someway, you do things so much programmed if you noticed for some of you who make fun of others you dont see the harm it does. Thats just an example. There are many more but I will not get into that right now its just something basic for you to understand.

A good way to claim down your nerves and listen more clear, understanding is by meditation. A simple yet hard thing for most people to do without losing track of what they are doing. There is 95% of people that get sidetracked in meditation and they lost the focus and the common goal they are trying to reach. Its just a understanding of your mind, and if your arn't able to clear your mind and completely stay on a task then your not understanding enough of your life...

Yes I said it, it as well means you dont have nothing under control except maybe someone like your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, or just simple friend. Everyone is guilty of this, and it can be changed but you have to be willing to learn. You have to be willing to not lose that focus that is needed. You need to keep track and never defeat a goal of your task. I find myself in meditation day by day for about an hour of my time. Never could do this as a young kid but now I do it daily...

Now really since you read this, your like how is this basic knowledge? Really you just learned something you can imply to your own life and that is basic knowledge. Every day you learn something but its up to you how you learn from it, and I say most of the people ignore the real message and go on what they want to learn from it. Yet I say its time for you to learn the real lession of life and keep your mind open and clear so you understand more easy.

Thats all for now the next post I will be making will be something either random or a thought out lession on meditation.